Skye

I have already written a post today, so I will only indicate my intention to write another post about my next topic. That topic is simple, it is a story about how Comrade Kite manufactured a girlfriend for himself, who he named Skye based on the life of a guy he knows doing medicine.

The rumours spread when he told Phil who proceeded to tell everyone else, including my sister, and within the next day or so everyone knew. In the end, it was found to be false. Comrade Kite was 'only joking'.

-Come back tomorrow for details.

Michael Moore vs Bill O'reilly

The other day, I had the absolute PLEASURE of seeing Bill O'reilly, the king of vociferous bloviating, be completely destroyed by Michael Moore.

I don't think Bill O'reilly had gone one program without bashing Michael Moore calling him everything from a fringe element (something I usually use to describe Bosco) to the most offensive person in America (according to his dodgy survey).

Bill O'reilly tried to justify the war in iraq by blaming it on bad intelligence and thus was a mistake (the WMD bit). Michael Moore asked him if he would be happy with him if he killed his son in a car accident, despite it being a mistake. Bill O'reilly said he wouldn't hold Michael Moore "morally responsible".

Michael Moore then asked Bill O'reilly what he would say to the families whose children had died, and Bill O'reilly gave a bodgy reply. They went to war to remove a dictator, O'reilly said. But thats not what they were told when they were sent there, Moore retorted.

Finally Moore delivered the knock out blow by asking him if he would send his children to die to secure Faluja (the centre of the Iraqi resistance). O'reilly REFUSED to say yes.

O'reilly, you are a moron. You have no idea and I am glad someone kicked your ass. Just because you can beat the milquetoast Ted Rall, doesn't mean you aren't a eunuch yourself.

Another Fox news funny story

Foxnews watch is a program which tries to be fair and balanced and report on the media. Much akin to mediawatch here. Well, they were asked to discuss whether Fox news had a conservative bias and Neal Gabler, a champion and member of the panel said:

"I don't think it is a conservative bias as much as a republican bias. I mean, saying that Fox news is not biased in favour of republicans is like saying the Pope is not connected with Catholocism. But I say so what? Republicans are our target audience."

Another panelist said that it was difficult to answer this question because they get their paychecks from foxnews. Neal Gabler interjected saying "[for me] for the time being anyway"

-Foxnews is about as legit as Comrade Kite's girlfriend Skye.

5 Kror

1 Kror = 10 million (translated from urdu to english).

That means that if you are asked to pay 5 Kror you are being asked for 50 million rupees. Given that 40 rupees is about $1 Australian, 5 Kror is about $1.2m

Recall I wrote a post about my kidnapped uncle. Thats what the kidnappers want for the return of my uncle.

I cannot contribute even One dollar to this for I am far too poor. Fortunately, my relatives do not need my money as they can pay for it themselves. I would rather they payed it to me than the kidnapper. Maybe I should kidnap him.

Phillip Chin is unethical

I never thought it would come to this - but I have decided to reveal to you the true Phillip Chin. Under that feigned charisma is an uncharming beast willing to lie, steal and employ double standards to make himself feel better.

The real relationship between Phil and Steve

I had previously drawn a comparison between Steve Cai and Phillip Chin to explain why they are the same person. They are indeed the same person - however their dichotomy exists merely to broaden their scope. Phil seem's friendly and trustworthy while being dodgy, often making remarks which are, at best, tenuous. Steve is dodgy with women and writes posts about other people hoping to make himself seem better.

Phillip's use of spin

It is with that, that I shall reveal Phillip Chin's primary tactic -comparison. Phillip will spread rumours about honourable people such as myself doing dishonourable things with steve cai, his alter ego. He will then consistently make unfounded comments such as "you are dodgy"

Phillip is unoriginal

Another thing Phil does is copy. He is totally unoriginal. You will note that "DoDGy" was first used on MY BLOG in reference to a particular person who took offence to it (and thus it was removed). Phil copied it. He copies everything. All his best lines are copied.

The best proof I have is when I was in the car with him and his cousin. I told her he copied me, then I made a wisecrack and 10 minutes later Phil made the same joke. I pointed it out to his cousin and she noticed.

The most notable example of copied lines include:

"Its ok if you like men, I will still be your friend, just don't hit on me"

"George Bush has declared you a weapon of mass destruction due to your smell"

"You eat urinal cakes and crap in urinals"

There are many more than this, obviously.

Phil's audacity

Phillip then has the audacity to make various comments on other blogs. Many are rude and inappropriate. He even claims that I steal HIS stories (look at my tagboard):

"Phil: Gulfam is a loser. he hears stories form other people and writes them as his own"

By accusing me of copying he shifts the focus away from himself and thus seems like an 'angel' of some sort who is just an ordinary guy trying to make his way in life. He is much more than that. Looks can indeed be deceiving.

Phil is as slippery as a banana peel on a sunny day.

- One point about Phil that I can never stress enough is that his integrity is at its highest when the situation is at its most hypothetical.

Dr G teaches his schoolteacher

One day the town teacher told Dr G that he he had decided to travel across the land to seek additional knowledge. When the young teacher asked him what kind of people he shold look for, Dr G recalled some wise words he had once narrated to none other than Alexander the Great.

- He who knows not and knows not that he knows not is a fool. Shun him.
- He who knows not and knows that he knows not is a child. Teach him.
- He who knows and knows not that he knows is asleep. Awaken him.
- He who knows and knows that he knows is wise. Follow him.

Dr G paused for a moment and than continued,

- But you know how difficult it is, my son, to be sure that the one who knows and knows that he knows really knows.


- Susan comes back tomorrow - YAY! Oh yeah, visit this site, its funny.

Sharing the baklava - how I outwitted a scientist

(Note: Baklava is a dessert, a sweet pastry which tastes very nice with pistachio nuts)

A learned foreign scientist came to my neighbourhood when I was in primary school and said he wanted to challenge the wits of the most knowledgeable person in the area. And of course, the townsfolk called for Dr G.

When Dr G arrived, the scientist drew a circle in the sand with a stick. Dr G frowned, took the stick, and divided the circle in two.

The scientist then drew another line through the circle that divided it into four equal parts. Dr G pretended to gather three parts toward himself and to push the remaining part toward the scientist.

The scientist then raised his arm above his head, and wiggling his extended fingers, he slowly lowered his hand to the ground. Dr G did exactly the same thing but in the opposite direction, moving his hand from the ground to a height above his head.

And, that completed the scientist's tests, which he explained privately to the city elite.

- Your Dr G is very clever boy, he began, I showed him that the world is round and he confirmed it but indicated that 'it also has an equator'. And when I divided the world into 4 parts, he indicated that it is '3 parts water and 1 part land', which I can't deny. Finally, I asked what is the origin of rain? He answered quite rightly that 'water rises as steam to the sky, makes cloud, and later returns to earth as rain.'

When they got him alone, the ordinary townsfolk asked the Dr G what the challenge was all about? Dr G said,

- Well, that other fellow first asked, 'Suppose we have this round tray of baklava (I really liked baklava at this time)? So, I said, 'You can't eat it all by yourself, you know. So, I'll take half.' Then he got a little rude, saying, 'What will you do if I cut it into 4 parts?' That upset me, so I said, 'In that case, I'll take three of the parts and only leave you one!' That softened him up, I think, because then, with the motion of his hand, he said, 'Well, I suppose I could add some pistachio nuts on top of the baklava.' I cooled down too and said, 'That's fine with me, but you'll need to cook it under full flame, because an ash fire just won't be hot enough'. When I said that, he knew I was right, and gave up the game.


-Hence I outwitted a scientist. I am too cool.

Dr G's weekly speech

In background, I used to make a weekly address to a committee.

One day Dr G came to the meeting unprepared for his address. He asked the audience if they understood what he was going to tell them. When they all replied no, he told them if they did not understand then there was no point in telling them, and he sat down.

The following week when he asked the same question they all replied yes. Since they knew what he was going to say, he told them there was no point in saying it and again he sat down.

By the third week half of the audience said yes and the other half no, to which Dr G bowed politely and asked those who knew to tell those who did not.

- Next time you will learn how I outwitted a scientist

Kazan (its a large cauldron) - a true story told as if it were a fable

On one occasion, Dr G borrows a kazan (large cauldron) from his neighbour. When Dr G returns the kazan, the neighbour sees that there is a small cooking pot in the bottom. He asks
- Dr G, What is this? Dr G replies:
- Apparently the kazan had been pregnant and it has given birth to this small pot.
The neighbour unquestioningly accepts the kazan and the pot. Some weeks later, Dr G wishes to borrow the same kazan. The neighbour is only too happy to oblige. This time, a month passes. The neighbour calls on Dr G to inquire about his kazan. Dr G, with a concerned look, announces:
- I am sorry, but your kazan died.
The neighbour is puzzled. Then becoming angry, he demands:
- How could it die?
- You believed that it gave birth, why do you not believe that it died?


- More tales in the future (its hard to write stuff you do in real life in fable form)

Rip-off Juice

I love fresh juice, I drink it more than water and soft drink combined. Its the purity of it that is most appealing. It draws you to it like a dodgy politician is drawn to a vote.

However juice has come under attack recently by escalating prices. What used to cost around $4 now costs $6. That two dollar increase is NOT inflation. That would imply prices have rised by 50% over the last few years and they have not. You are being duped by the inflation argument.

The fresh juice stop place I routinely visit is also doing a rort. Initially they provided high quality juice for $3 for 500ml. They also charged $2 for 300ml. That is pretty fair, in my opinion.

They then decided that it would be frowned upon if they raised prices, so what did they do? They made the packets smaller so they could sell less for the same price. Furthermore, they decided to change the shape in the hope that fools would think that the new packet was bigger than the old.

The new packets were 500ml and 250ml respectively and the new shape made it looks like the bottle was LONGER but SKINNIER. As a result an untrained mind would be confused as to whether the new shape was bigger or smaller. They made one mistake: They wrote the new size on the bottle.

Today, in a rare lapse of memory I checked the size and found it was gone. They had completed their marketing trick so people would not know that they were selling less for the same price. That is just dodgy. Those tricks work on stupid people, not me. I knew this was as rorted as a sombrero in the artic winterland.

- People will notice this rort because they aren't as dumb as you think they are... actually, forget that, they probably will think its a bigger packet.

I have a story to tell

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed that Heaven will only admit 33% of applicants today. The admissions standard: Who died the worst death? So, St. Peter takes each of the three men aside in turn and asks them about how they died.

First man: "I'd been suspecting for a long time that my wife was cheating on me. I decided to come home early from work one afternoon and check to see if I could catch her in the act. When I got back to my apartment, I heard the water running. My wife was in the shower. I looked everywhere for the guy, but couldn't find anyone or any trace that he had been there. The last place I looked was out on the balcony.

I found the bastard hanging from the edge, trying to get back in! So I started jumping up and down on his hands, and he yelled, but he didn't fall. So I ran inside and got a hammer, and crushed his fingers with it until he fell twenty-five floors screaming in agony. But the fall didn't kill the asshole. He landed in some bushes! So I dragged the refirgerator from the kitchen (it weighed about a ton), pulled it to the balcony, and hurled it over the edge. It landed right on the guy and killed him. But then I felt so horrible about what I had done, I went back into the bedroom and shot myself."

St. Peter nodded slowly as the man recounted the story. Then, telling the first man to wait, he took the second aside.

Second man: "I lived on the twenty-seventh floor of this apartment building. I had just purchased this book on morning exercises and was practicing them on my balcony, enjoying the sunshine, when I lost my balance and fell off the edge. Luckily, I only fell about two floors before grabbing another balcony and holding on for dear life. I was trying to pull myself up when this guy came running onto what must have been his balcony and started jumping up and down on my hands. I screamed in pain, but he seemed really irate. When he finally stopped, I tried to pull myself up again, but he came out with a hammer and smashed my fingers to a pulp! I fell, and I thought I was dead, but I landed in some bushes. I couldn't believe my second stroke of luck, but it didn't last. The last thing I saw was this enormous refrigerator falling from the building down on top of me and crushing me."

St. Peter comforted the man, who seemed to have several broken bones. Then he told him to wait, and turned to the third man.

Third man: "Picture this. You're hiding, naked, in a refrigerator..."

- I am a funny guy. I feel it necessary for me to educate you but provide the occasional humorous break.

I have changed my mind

I have decided to continue with my plan to pay out idiot school girls who get their photos taken when they are in compromising positions. But these are CENSORED.

Francesca Willis (cleavage) - you can see obviously which bit is the inside of her school dress and no doubt her boobs are familiar.

She is a stupid person. I have already said this below. She has no sense of dignity and as far as I am concerned, she is just as disgusting as the people who jack off when they see her photos.

Now to two of her friends who go to the same types of parties and get up to the same crap. I hope that stops you "spanking your battered chicken".

- These girls have no dignity now and never will. As I have said before, you are one loose boob short of human dignity. Whats worse is a lot of morons click on a comment I wrote about where I got the photos from only to be redirected back to my hompage. idiots.

Too many horny people

I visited my site today to find that it was the same - no comments or anything. I then visited my counter to find that my graph was totally out of whack - I had over 20 times my average daily visitor rate but this was over the course of half a day! I cannot help but suspect that it is due to the boob of Francesca WIllis.

I am not a playboy magazine. I write articles in a genuine attempt to entertain, educate and enthrall my readership. I believe most of these horny toads come, look at the photo, jerk off and leave. I don't want pipes to be emptied here.

Yes, I say jerk off because, as I will quote from one site:

" Some guy on SA said he came 19 times, Fuck that guy must have trouble with premature ejaculation."

You dirty disgusting man. You are as gross as a cowboy who uses cheese to clean his ass.

I had more pictures of this chick - ones that aren't on any other site (yes, beyond the standard 7) and also some of her friends who did this (but they were more revealing). I will not post them now. I wished to make a point about this sort of behaviour, but I can see that I will just attract dirty and horny men who do not contribute at all to this forum.

- If you want porn, email steve@unsw.edu.au - He gets a lot of porn in his mailbox on a regular basis. He might even throw in some goatweed for free.

Francesca Willis (Also known as the Tahitian Temptress)

Francesca Willis did a bad bad thing (refer below if you are a girl, refer to your 'saved pictures' if you are a guy). Ms Willis decided to pose semi-nude, with boobs out, bottoms up and tummy sucked in for a few randy pictures at a certain exclusive high school that Mr K3n Th4m used to go to (I use the numbers to maintain anonymity). These pictures, taken at the Barker 'not on campus' College, resulted in her suspension from school. Bad, bad kitty.

Just so you all know, I put up these pictures of Ms Willis for purely educational purposes, so you all can learn a lesson from her - that is, never get caught posing nude. Posing nude is fine - I do it all the time (refer to David's MichaelanGEElo') - but to get caught is just not on the agenda.

My conclusion? I am luscious - well, at least the suze is...

Francesca Willis (Tahitian Temptress) showing her boob:

The photo the Sydney Morning Herald put up:

A look at her...

Just her head...



For more big boobs, click here

- Please respect your dignity, because once you lose it that boob will haunt you forever.

Dear Doctor

I have received another email recently, and I have found that I get many on a similar vein - as a result I will put forward the one which best describes the collective view.

Dear Dr G,

I am an adoring fan of your blog but I have noticed you seem to be having some sort of war with Steve Cai or his institute or whatever the name of that fictitous character behind which the coward hides. I have noticed that he seems to copy what you write and your writing style, and comes off as a bit of a brute. What do you think of this matter, and, more importantly, what are you going to do?

Ty


Dear Tracy,

Thank you for your email. First of all let me make it clear that there is something fundamentally wrong with steve cai. It is true that steve69cai does copy what I write and how I write it, and while it irks me, I do understand that imitation is the greatest form of flattery. Steve lacks the charisma, wit and talent to write a blog about any subject other than either myself or phillip chin. This is because nothing happens in his life, and he often dreams of becoming like us. He hopes to marry Phil in real life, and replicate my identity on the internet. It is natural for an adoring fan to do this.

I will say this, however - Steve, you really need to develop your own style and own sense of self. You are not Dr G and you never will be regardless of how hard you try. Right now you are play my blog like a violin on a two legged horse. Its just not happening.

Steve, your blog is about as fishy as blue cheese and as original as anthony mundine's haircut. You are in love with Phil but still bring me into your dreams to express emotions you wish you could convey. You do not need me if you want to marry Phil. Just ask him out, maybe he'll say yes. More importantly, keep me the heck out of it.

Dr G.

- If you have any further comments, please either email steve@unsw.edu.au to tell him how you feel, or subscribe the aforementioned email to a porn site.