bracelets and necklaces

What compels people to put a heavy metal chain around their neck, or stick an annoying elastic band around their wrist? I can understand people wearing a watch because it is useful and tells the time, but what is the story with necklaces and bracelets?

I do not understand to today why anyone would bother wearing those. They don't do anything other than make an annoying sound, leave you with an indentation on your skin, and bog you down. Your necklace might be the difference between drowning and floating if there is a sudden freak flood.

Nobody cares about jewellery. Few people wear it, and those that do try to hide their shame. To me, its a simiple case of not putting it on, but if you need to have something dangling off your neck much like your double chin dangles off your face, then go for it. You must be weird.

I was once asked to guess the price of someone's bracelet. I didn't want to be rude so I said "must be some three digit number". It was a bracelet from some place called Tiffany's. It was closer to a five digit number. I almost had a heart attack (despite my youth and excellent health) and fell off the chair I was sitting on onto an uncompromisingly hard marble floor. It was like swallowing a cow - it was about as bad as a hearing a cat being dragged through my neighbour's blender.

The other day I saw a necklace on the ground and I fed it to my neighbours dog. It was subsequently turned into crap - revealing its true form.

-jewellery is uncool and archaic.